The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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