..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
