yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
