i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
