Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dicks are not precious.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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