uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
