Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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