she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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