I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
