he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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