So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You may now shotgun with the bride
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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