Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You're a waste of cheezeits
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
