a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
