Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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