Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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