1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
