Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
