He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
