just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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