Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
