i barfeds in our rink
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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