I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
