Don't you send me to vm
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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