Pants 0. Shit 1.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
