i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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