I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
