Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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