i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
