i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
