I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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