I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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