You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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