Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
third nipple confirmed
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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