If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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