I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
