I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
