In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize