problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
