too bad you live with your parents still
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
