u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They took my balls.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
