Life is so much better after having sex.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
