I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
