i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
