next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
