Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
