she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
