That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
