he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
