the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
