does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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