Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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