i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
