Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
