I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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