Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
