Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think i got beer on your cat.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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