my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
