The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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