On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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