My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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