its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
