i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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