so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
