Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
