they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
