So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
no, he came in my armpit
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
