you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
