is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
