if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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