I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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