i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize