If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
