listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she peed on how many people?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
