My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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