Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
