i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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