How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
