So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
