I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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