Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
