Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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