I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
