Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
