he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
