we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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